


Reminisce About All

by ncities



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Time Skips, Wedding, nct 127
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:46:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24410788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncities/pseuds/ncities
Summary: They had drifted apart for a reason. Will facing each other bring back emotions that were better off as suppressed?
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	Reminisce About All

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first (published) work. I'm not totally clear on the tagging process yet, but I did my best. Let me know if I'm missing something! Enjoy :)
> 
> Notes: Johnny, Jaehyun, Doyoung and Yuta were all born in the same year. Taeyong is a year younger than them.
> 
> This story alternates between past and present. Time skips are bolded!

**2016**

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Kim Doyoung and Yuta Nakamoto._

Johnny stared at the invitation, waving it like a fan in his hands.  
“All good, babe?” Taeyong asked from the kitchen.  
“Mhm.”  
“What’s that?”  
“An invitation.”  
Taeyong was standing behind him now, a hand on his shoulder. Johnny let the paper slip out of his hands when Taeyong tugged on it, the grooves running against the pads of his fingers.  
“Oh! Doyoung and Yuta! We’re going, right?” Johnny didn't answer. “Your best friends, babe.”  
“Yeah,” Johnny said finally. “Of course we’re going.”

They _were_ his best friends, but receiving the invitation was somewhat of a shock to Johnny. Perhaps because they hadn’t spoken in years. Perhaps because he thought they were angry at him for not making the effort to contact them. Perhaps because he was angry that _they_ hadn’t contacted _him_. Still, upon receiving the invitation, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. Now all that was left to do was RSVP.

The journey by plane was horrendous for Johnny. Bad flights were just his luck. Taeyong, on the other hand, didn’t seem to mind. He even played peek-a-boo with the wailing child in the seat behind them. It was the only time the child stopped crying, so Johnny was thankful. 

The airport upon landing smelled like the inside of a new car, which was a bit nauseating to Johnny. Taeyong had to wave a pack of fruit flavoured gum under his nose to calm him, and that only worked to a certain extent.  
“It’ll all be worth it when you see them again,” Taeyong said. Johnny hoped he was right. 

Up until this point, Johnny has made all the arrangements by email, including the RSVP. His heart was beating out of his chest thinking about who was waiting for him at the hotel. Taeyong was as cheery as ever, talking about how he was so excited to be in Japan for the first time.  
When they were younger, the boys would use Yuta’s family wealth to clear out aisles at 7/11’s. Now they were holding a destination wedding and flying in the majority of their guests, as well as setting them up at their hotel. 

The taxi stopped right in front of the hotel’s main entrance, close enough that they wouldn’t be touched by the rain. Despite the late hour, the streets were still heavy with cars. Light rays glistened between the droplets of water falling from the sky. Johnny heaved Taeyong’s suitcase out of the trunk, then his own. He could see them inside, talking to the concierge- one with a head of thick, blonde hair, and the other with his black hair lying flat as it used to after he had blow-dried it. The blond one turned and saw them outside the glass doors, a brilliant smile forming on his face. It felt like a lifetime since Johnny had seen that smile. The blond man nudged the other one, getting him to turn. Now both sets of eyes were on him. Johnny saw Taeyong wave to them out of the corner of his eye, and they waved back. 

They were faces he had practically memorized every inch of. So why did he feel so uncomfortable?

“Should we go in?” Taeyong asked.  
“Hm?”  
“Inside,” Taeyong pointed to Yuta and Doyoung, who were now approaching the entrance.

The doors slid apart and Johnny felt the coldness of the air conditioning faintly on his skin, making his hair stand up. The last physical barrier between them was gone. He dropped his suitcase when Yuta’s chest came crashing against his own, the other man wrapping him in an embrace.  
It was natural.  
The years of space between them erased, disregarded in a single moment. Johnny hugged back, feeling like his friend’s body was molded perfectly for his touch. It was the same feeling when Doyoung hugged him. He could smell his shampoo (he had changed it since the last time they had seen each other) and the remnants of chlorine.

“It’s so good to see you!” Doyoung said, letting go.  
“We were afraid you wouldn’t come,” Yuta admitted.  
Up close, Johnny could see that they were just as nervous. He knew what every expression looked like on his friend’s faces. He realized no matter how much time passed, there was little they could hide from him.  
“Why wouldn’t I come to see my best friends get married?” The two smiled, lifting a weight off of Johnny’s shoulders. The hardest part was almost over.  
“Let us take you to your room,” Yuta insisted. There was a small argument over who would carry the bags, but eventually they all got in the elevator. The trip up was silent, aside from the whirring of the fan inside. 

“You guys didn’t have to get us such a nice room,” Taeyong said, admiring their suite.  
“Are you kidding? Only the best for the Suh’s,” Yuta smiled. Plans were made to meet up the next day, when eyes were no longer heavy with sleep. 

“Isn’t this great?” Taeyong said after the others had left. Johnny joined him at the window, admiring the city. Most lights were still on, making it look like there was a whole galaxy right in front of their eyes. Johnny hummed in agreement.  
He lay in bed, Taeyong hugging his side, wondering how tomorrow would go. There was still one person he had to face. The person who might be hardest for him to see again. But if it was easy with Yuta and Doyoung, it should be with him too, shouldn't it?

**1997**

The first day of third grade. Johnny was terrified. It was the second time he had moved schools in his life, but the anxiety was as high as the first. He stood still, his feet meshing with the ground as dozens of kids ran by, unconcerned when they bumped into him. Everyone else was inside when the bell rang. Johnny squeezed his eyes shut and clutched the straps of his backpack, his brain telling him to walk, but his legs not obeying.  
“Are you ok?” A high-pitched voice called out. Johnny looked to see a boy, shorter than him, standing in the doorway. “You know, the bell rang.” Johnny could only nod. The boy seemed to inspect him for a second. “You new here?” Another nod. “Come on, you can sit next to me. It’ll be ok, I was new last year,” the boy extended a tiny hand. Johnny took it, letting himself be pulled inside.  
“I’m Johnny,” he managed to spit out. The boy smiled at him with bunny-like front teeth.  
“I’m Doyoung.”

Halfway through the school year, Johnny’s class welcomed another new student. Whispers travelled around the classroom, fading into the air.  
“He’s a transfer student.”  
“I hear he’s rich.”  
“He’s from Korea.”  
“No, Japan.”  
“I thought Japan was in Korea?”  
“It’s in Asia.”  
“Where is Asia?”  
The kid looked scared, something Johnny could recognize well. He whispered at the kid, pointing to the empty pair of seats beside him and Doyoung. The transfer student smiled gratefully.

The three became quite tight knit during the year. They’d eat together, play together, and eventually went to each others’ houses. Their families would get together for dinners and even had a big Christmas party that year. Yuta had picked up English from Johnny and Doyoung, proving to be a quick learner. 

It was after winter break that their group became complete. He ended up in their class too, filling the seat beside Yuta. They had never felt like something was missing, but when they met him, he fit in without discomfort. 

**2016**

When Johnny woke up, Taeyong was already dressed for the day.  
“I already went and had breakfast. Didn’t wanna wake you,” he said, placing a kiss on Johnny’s cheek. “Besides, I thought you’d wanna eat with your friends.”

Johnny texted Yuta to see when he and Doyoung would be going down to eat. He had never deleted their contacts, but it was strange to use one again. It was like dusting off an old book after not reading it for so long, the spine cracking when you opened it.

He got on the elevator, trying to stop his stomach from rumbling for the sake of the eldery woman who was there with him. He hadn’t realized it till now, but the last thing he ate was the complementary crackers on the plane.  
The breakfast room was on par with the rest of the hotel. It looked like somewhere that kings would dine, not a bunch of jet-lagged wedding guests. Johnny recognized a few old faces, but didn’t make an effort to greet them. Most were too busy digging into stacks of pancakes or mounds of scrambled eggs, anyway.  
“Johnny!” Someone called out. “Over here!”  
He saw Doyoung waving from a table, Yuta beside him. They were sitting with someone else, whose face was turned away from him, but Johnny didn’t need to guess who it was. His hair was a faded pink now. Johnny wondered about all the colours it had been through before getting there. He went over with his plate of food, placing it carefully on the white tablecloth. Yuta and Doyoung stayed seated, but the other man stood up to greet him. He gave him a quick hug, barely giving Johnny a chance to hug back.  
“Long time no see,” he smiled, dimples popping. The smile seemed genuine enough. Johnny smiled too, out of relief, if not just to return the courtesy.  
“Jaehyun. How have you been?”

Breakfast amongst the four of them was quieter than Johnny expected. There was a lot of catching up to do, but everyone seemed to be happily neglecting any talk about the past. Most of what they said was regarding the wedding.  
“They wanted to do cherry blossoms for the centerpieces,” Yuta said through a mouthful of egg, “But I thought that’d be tacky. Most of the people here see them regularly, anyways. So we settled on orchids.”  
“I never thought you’d be freaking out over flowers,” Johnny said.  
“I’m not _freaking_ over them!” Yuta objected. “I just can’t have my wedding looking like garbage.”  
“Because cherry blossoms are _so_ disgusting.” Jaehyun quipped. Doyoung laughed and stuffed a piece of toast in Yuta’s mouth when he opened it to argue.  
“You know, Taeyong and I were talking about how cool it is to have your wedding here,” Johnny drew a circle in the air with his fork.  
“Dad was willing to pay for everything, but that doesn’t mean he’s gonna splurge on anything,” Yuta said. “To you it’s cool, to him it’s saving money.”  
“His mind is that of a businessman,” Jaehyun said, popping a strawberry in his mouth. “So, uh, Johnny. How’s Taeyong?” Johnny didn’t look up from his plate.  
“He’s good. You with anyone?”  
“No,” Jaehyun pushed out a chuckle and everything was quiet again. 

The sound of chewing and chatter from other people was getting to Johnny. He hated silence when he was with those he cared about most.  
“You guys never told me how you proposed.”  
“Well, Johnnyboy, you never asked,” Doyoung cleared his throat. “I came home after work one day, ready to tear him apart,” he pointed to Yuta with his thumb.  
“Tear him apart like… yell at him? Or the other thing?” Jaehyun asked, insinuatingly.  
“Oh no, I was gonna yell. It hadn’t been the best day for me, so I was irritable. On top of that, this bitch hadn’t answered my calls all day. But when I came in, I saw that he was making dinner.”  
“Calzones,” Yuta added.  
“Gourmet pizza pockets, but go on,” Johnny said. Doyoung continued,  
“He had flour on his nose and everything, but they ended up tasting good.”  
“I wasn’t actually planning to propose then, I just wanted to make him dinner,” Yuta took over telling the story. “But when we were done and getting wine drunk in the kitchen… it seemed like the right moment. I didn’t even have a ring.”  
“He asked me, “Wanna get married?”” Doyoung glared. “Not even “Will you marry me?””  
“Well you said yes, didn’t you?”  
Johnny couldn’t help but laugh.  
“It’s a very Yuta way to propose.”  
“Remember when we thought he’d never get married at all?” Jaehyun asked.

**2006**

Everyone was lying on various objects in Doyoung's basement. Doyoung on the couch, Jaehyun in a beanbag chair, Yuta on the floor, and Johnny somehow upside down on the stairs. Doyoung’s parents were out for the night and they had stolen a bottle of cheap tequila that Doyoung claimed his parents hadn't touched since they opened it the first time.  
“I can see why your parents don’t like this,” Yuta said, cringing after a swig.  
“It’s effective,” Doyoung defended.  
“But at what cost?” Johnny said. He somersaulted off the stairs and landed with a thud, followed by a groan. “How are things with Jess?” he asked Yuta.  
“Who?”  
Doyoung slapped Yuta on the arm.  
“Shit… I might break up with her.”  
“And another one bites the dust,” Jaehyun said.  
“It’s not her fault, I just don’t think she’s right for me.”  
“It’s ok, dude,” Johnny crawled over to pat him on the forehead. “You’re still young.”  
“I know you’re joking, but literally, I am.”

Doyoung looked uninterested in the conversation.  
“You good, Doie?” Johnny asked. He could see a glint of concern in his eyes. Johnny noticed he had been put off by conversations regarding relationships lately.  
“When did you know you were bi?” he asked, surprising Johnny a bit.  
“It’s been a while… maybe seventh grade. Why?” Yuta had sat up now, and Jaehyun was trying to too, but kept sinking into the beanbag.  
“You got something on your mind, dude?” Yuta put a hand on Doyoung’s, but he moved it away and shook his head.  
“I can’t. Mom and dad would never approve.”  
“If it’s who you are, they can’t ignore that,” Jaehyun said.  
“You’d be surprised.”  
Yuta climbed up onto the couch and lay on Doyoung, who grunted at the sudden weight on top of him.  
“The hell are you doing?”  
“Hugging you, bro.”  
Doyoung rolled over, dropping Yuta to the floor.  
“Don’t do that.”

**2016**

Doyoung leaned on Yuta’s shoulder as the two walked around the ballroom, Johnny and Jaehyun close behind. Sunlight shone through massive georgian windows, so bright that Johnny had to squint when looking outside. He stopped when he saw a familiar face outside. Taeyong was in the garden, squatting by some flowers. He ran his fingers along the petals and smiled to himself. Johnny felt bad having brought Taeyong to a place where he wouldn’t know anyone, and then abandoning him to catch up with friends. Of course Taeyong had said it was no problem, but that didn’t stop Johnny from feeling guilty.  
“I’ll be right back,” he excused himself from Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun leaned against the window, watching Johnny sneak behind his husband and clasp his hands over his eyes. Taeyong jumped at the contact, but laughed while peeling Johnny’s hands off. He turned and Johnny gave him a quick kiss. Jaehyun swallowed something that was caught in his throat and he turned away. 

“Jae!” Yuta called. “Come teach Doyoung how to dance.”  
“I’m not much of a dancer.”  
“You can’t lie to me. Get.”  
Jaehyun stepped onto the dance floor, sliding his feet back and forth.  
“I meant something slow or a ballroom dance, not the running man,” Yuta rolled his eyes. Jaehyun took Doyoung by the wrists and began to move his arms.  
“Who’s leading?”  
Doyoung tilted his chin towards Yuta and Jaehyun positioned him accordingly. He told Doyoung to follow his movements and counted with each step. Soon enough, they were gliding around, a few florists and decorators having to duck out of their way.  
“I don’t see why you needed my help,” Jaehyun said while spinning Doyoung.  
Johnny had come back inside and was watching them drift around the room. He bowed and held out a hand to Yuta.  
“May I have this dance, m’lord?”  
“Why of course,” Yuta gracefully took his hand. They laughed as they waltzed around, Johnny occasionally lifting up Yuta for a leap. Doyoung could be heard giggling on the opposite side of the floor. The pairs made their way to each other and Doyoung called out “Partner switch!”, taking Johnny’s hands from Yuta.  
“This music is lovely,” Johnny said. Doyoung took a second to listen to the silence. Everyone else had left the room, probably irritated with their antics.  
“Ah, my favourite piece.” They twirled.  
“Is it beethoven?”  
“Bach, actually.” They were approaching the other pair again.  
“Shall we switch again?” Yuta asked casually as Jaehyun dipped him. Without thinking, they changed partners. Johnny clasped Jaehyun’s hand with his own, the other one on his lower back. They stepped in time with each other and spun around the room, a breeze rushing by with every brisk turn. Yuta and Doyoung had realized what had happened and were stopped. Johnny couldn’t seem to stop, and Jaehyun made no effort too, either. They were by the windows again and Johnny admired how the sunlight fell on Jaehyun’s face, the sight looking all too familiar. They only stopped after they had circled the room, now back where the others were. Johnny was the first to let go, bowing as he had done with Yuta. He laughed to show that nothing was wrong. It certainly hadn’t felt that way.  
“You guys looked like you were having fun.” Four heads turned to the doorway that led to the garden. It was Taeyong. “Don’t stop on my account.”  
“We were done, anyways.” Jaehyun said. “No more partners to switch with.”  
“Maybe for you guys.” Johnny ran to Taeyong and swept him up, spinning around before putting him down. He hummed a tune and danced with Taeyong, both of them in a fit of giggles. When they turned, Johnny could see Yuta saying something to Jaehyun, who nodded. Johnny stopped again where the others were waiting, keeping a hand on Taeyong's waist.  
“I can only hope we’ll be like you when we’re married,” Doyoung said.  
“Well, if you’re not tired of each other yet…” Johnny shrugged.

**2010**

Johnny ducked as a banana whizzed past his head and hit the wall. He was relieved that it hadn’t exploded, considering it was his apartment.  
“Say that to me ONE more time!” Yuta practically growled. Doyoung repeated what he had said and then ran to Johnny’s bedroom, prompting him to follow in order to save his sheets from a rage-induced mauling or being used for angry make-up sex. He couldn’t decide which he’d hate more. Yuta rushed past him, Johnny failing to pull him back. He heard keys jingling and looked to the door, waiting for his boyfriend to walk in. It would be nice to see his face before interfering with Yuta and Doyoung again, risking his life in the process. The door opened just as Doyoung screamed out a “fuck you!”  
“ _What_ is going on?”  
“Lovers spat?” Johnny didn’t know if he could call it that. He gave his boyfriend a quick kiss and smiled before heading to their bedroom, but the others had decided to come back to the living room to continue their fight.  
“I don’t have to take this from someone who can’t get their dick up,” Doyoung sneered before walking out of the apartment.  
“That’s a lie,” Yuta called after him. “Tell them it’s a fucking lie!” Johnny watched them down the hallway, muttering curses at each other. He was glad they weren’t yelling their insults anymore, Johnny couldn’t risk another complaint for the neighbours- even if this was for a completely different reason. The elevator dinged open and Johnny saw Yuta turn Doyoung around and roughly pull him into a kiss before both of them tripped backwards into it.  
“Remind me not to use the left elevator for a while, babe,” Johnny said, pretending to gag. Jaehyun laughed and nodded,  
“It’s probably been through worse.”

**2016**

Johnny sat across from Taeyong at a little round table. They had come down to one of the hotel’s many restaurants for dinner.  
“How’s your risotto?” Taeyong asked. Johnny picked some up on his spoon and fed it to him. “Damn, that’s good.”  
“Why, your chicken not satisfying you?  
“It’s good. I should’ve sprung for something different, though. Want some?”  
Johnny shook his head. He played with his food for a bit, wondering if he should say anything.  
“I hope you’re not bored here,” he finally said.  
“Are you kidding, look at this place! There’s so much to explore, which I’ve been doing. Did you know they have a fountain room? A literal room just for a fountain. Well, it’s on a balcony but that’s what the concierge called it.”  
Johnny shook his head again.  
“I’ve only seen what the boys have shown me. Why don’t we set a day aside for you to show me everything you’ve found?” Taeyong smiled and nodded.  
“You’ve already seen the garden, but if you walk a little further through the trees there's another fountain. I don’t think I’ve seen this many fountains in my life, Johnny.”  
“We should’ve gotten married someplace like this, I’m sorry.”  
“I liked our wedding.”  
“Really,” Johnny raised a brow. “You preferred Taeil’s basement to this?” he gestured to the room. Taeyong chuckled,  
“I liked that it was an intimate ceremony.”  
“We were drunk and Ten officiated!”  
“In an intimate setting!” Taeyong argued. Johnny rested his chin in his hand, leaning a bit closer to Taeyong.  
“I liked our wedding too.”  
He loved how the hanging lights of the restaurant reflected in Taeyong’s eyes. Johnny always compared them to the sun peeking out from behind clouds.  
“You’re staring at me,” Taeyong said.  
“I’ll stop.”  
“Well, I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

That night, Johnny’s dreams were flooded with images of twinkling eyes, like stars when the night sky was at its darkest. The eyes would crinkle at the corners when their owner smiled and Johnny found himself even more lost in them. They looked beautiful in the light and seemed to swallow him in the dark- the eyelids suddenly hooded and looking at him with such intensity that he could feel their gaze piercing through his skull. He shifted in his sleep, mumbling a name. Johnny’s eyes popped open and he looked to the side, exhaling when he realized his husband wasn’t awake to hear it. 

Yuta’s mom hugged Johnny and Jaehyun, kissing them both on the cheek.  
“I’m so happy to see you boys! How long has it been? Almost five years?” She didn’t give them a chance to answer. “Sorry it took so long to meet, we’ve been busy prepping!” She spoke in a singsong-y voice and was buzzing with excitement. The last time Johnny saw her this happy was at her daughter’s wedding.  
“Good to see you too, Mrs. N,” Jaehyun said. In the distance, Yuta’s dad was yelling at an employee- something about ice sculptures. “I thought you said they weren’t splurging,” Jaehyun whispered to Yuta.”  
“I said Dad didn’t want to splurge. Mom on the other hand…” The three watched the woman hoist up a table and drag it away.  
“And though she be but little, she is fierce,” Johnny said.  
“Stop quoting Shakespeare, nerd,” Yuta nudged him.  
“Why are you calling me a nerd, we’re twenty-seven.”  
“You don’t outgrow nerd.”  
Jaehyun snickered.  
“Hey,” he whispered to Yuta. “Can you have them make the sculpture with frozen orange juice so we can eat or drink it after?”  
Mrs. Nakamoto appeared in front of them before Yuta could answer and handed each of them a round tub filled with flowers. Johnny sank at the unexpected weight of the tub, wondering how she had managed to carry three at once.  
“Do you boys mind taking these out to the garden? Thank you, dears.”

Johnny and Jaehyun trailed behind Yuta as he zipped past people. Some were other guests at the hotel, but there were currently few here that weren’t affiliated with the wedding.  
“So only a few days left.” Jaehyun said, loud enough for Yuta to hear. “How do you feel?” Yuta stopped walking, only just realizing that the others hadn’t been able to keep up.  
“I feel good. Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” He seemed to be asking himself rather than Jaehyun.  
“Not what I meant.” Jaehyun said. They had caught up to Yuta now.  
“Don’t worry about feeling nervous, it’s normal.”  
“I’m not nervous, Johnny, I love Doyoung.”  
“Of course, I’m just saying.”  
Yuta sped off again, clutching the tub close to his chest.  
“You think he’s nervous?” Jaehyun asked.  
“Lil’ bit.” Johnny replied. They picked up their pace when Yuta started disappearing from view, knowing they wouldn’t be able to navigate by themselves. 

Yuta had brought them to a different part of the garden than the one Johnny had seen. There were less plants and more artificial fixtures, including a stone path with strips of lights on either side. The path led up to an arch that a rather short man was decorating with various flowers. Yuta placed the tub down and told the others to wait a minute. He headed towards the arch, yelling,  
“Brandon, if my mother sees those lilacs, she will piss herself and then on you!”  
Johnny broke out into laughter, followed by Jaehyun.  
“Runs in the family, huh?” Jaehyun’s eyes crinkled when he spoke through laughs. Johnny looked around, amazed at how big the space was.  
“This place is endless,” he marvelled. Jaehyun nodded in agreement. Johnny began to walk off, eyes caught on something. Jaehyun called after him, worried that Yuta would think he was abandoned, but followed Johnny nonetheless. Less than a minute later, they had arrived at a great stone fountain. It was beautiful- lights under the water that were dim now but probably sparkled when it was dark, intricate designs of fish carved into the part of the column, and water spewing in an almost unnatural pattern. Jaehyun sat on the side and dipped his hand in the water.  
“Am I the only one who feels like they’re in a fairytale?”  
Johnny shook his head and sat beside Jaehyun, doing the same thing he had.  
“The more I find out about this place, the more I feel like I’m dreaming.”  
“You got hotels like this in America?”  
“Maybe. I wouldn’t know. It’s a little out of our budget.”  
Jaehyun chuckled. Johnny wondered if it was forced. They had said a long time ago that their relationship as friends wouldn’t change, but they both knew it was a lie. Still, they’d chosen to believe it.  
“I think Taeyong was talking about this place.”  
“Oh yeah,” Jaehyun took his hand out of the water. “I wanted to ask, he’s not too bored is he?”  
“He says he’s fine. Thanks for asking.”  
“You shouldn’t ignore him if you’re worried about missing out with us.”  
“I’m not, trust me. I apologize all the time, I think he’s sick of it.”  
“Ah. Good, then.”  
“There you are!” Yuta had appeared from seemingly nowhere. “I see you have fountain number three.”  
“Out of how many?” Johnny asked.  
“I stopped keeping count after they built the fourth one.”  
“Why do you need four fountains…” Jaehyun was dumbfounded.  
“You’re asking the wrong person. But they’re fun to make out in. Bit cold, though.” He noticed the other two glaring at him. “Yes, we kissed in a fountain. We were drunk, ok? Doyoung thought it’d be fun. Until he started shivering and I had to sneak his half-soaked ass through a lobby of people.” Johnny decided not to ask any more about the incident.  
“Is he still with his brother?” Jaehyun asked Yuta.  
“Yeah. I figured I’d leave them alone. He deserves time with family.”  
“His parents really aren’t coming, huh?” Johnny sighed. “I can’t imagine.”  
“Didn’t you get married in someone’s basement?” Yuta asked.  
“Well, yeah, but they would’ve come if we had invited them. Mom yelled at me for not at least facetiming her.”  
“Don’t bring it up with him though,” Yuta cautioned. “He’s been saying he’s come to terms with it but I’m trying to remind him as little as possible, considering.”  
“He doesn’t need them,” Jaehyun cut in. “Not if they’re gonna treat him like that. He has us.”

**2009**

There was a sudden knock on the door of Johnny and Jaehyun’s apartment. They looked at each other, asking if anyone was expected.  
Another knock.  
Jaehyun looked out the peephole and rushed to undo the lock.  
“He’s crying.”  
Johnny stood up from the couch, concerned. Doyoung walked in, holding a backpack and face glistening from tears having stained it.  
“I told them I’m dating Yuta.”  
Jaehyun pulled Doyoung into a hug, which seemed to be enough for him to break down. He cried into Jaehyun’s shoulder, slowly dropping to the ground. Jaehyun lowered himself too, not letting go of Doyoung. Johnny brought a glass of water and set it down before wiping Doyoung’s tears with his thumbs.  
“You can stay here as long as you need.”

Yuta had been out of town, but cut his trip short when Johnny had called to inform him of what happened. The evening after, he stormed into the apartment, calling Doyoung’s name.  
Doyoung came from the guest room, still holding the book he was reading. Yuta kissed him so hard, he dropped the book in surprise.  
“You don’t need them. You don’t fucking need them.” They kissed again, separating at the sound of footsteps approaching. Jaehyun and Johnny hugged them from either side and the four stayed like that for a while. For a moment, all they could feel was comfort. It was like no matter what happened, they could fall back on each other.

**2016**

Most of the other guests arrived as the day went on. It was the day before the bachelor parties, and Jaehyun had threatened some people who were unsure if they could make it in time. As Yuta’s best man, he was hellbent on getting the right people and arranging the right celebration. Doyoung had chosen his brother as best man, profusely apologizing to Johnny when he found out, but Johnny understood why. The problem was, he didn’t know which party to go to. Of course he was invited to both, but both of them would be in places outside the hotel and too hard to commute between. He ended up choosing Doyoung’s, since Taeyong would be coming too. 

The day of, all the boys were shooed out of the hotel by Yuta’s mom and sister, insisting they have a good time. Johnny could tell Doyoung would have preferred wedding planning to this.  
“So,” Doyoung turned to his brother, “What do you have planned for us today?”

The answer was somewhat surprising, but Johnny wasn’t displeased. The older Kim sibling had brought them to an arcade, which he had somehow rented out. Everyone played like they were kids again, fights breaking out during two player games. There was a moment when they had all crowded around the basketball shooting game and Johnny could swear the energy was more intense than if they were watching professional players. Afterwards they had a steak dinner with a little too much wine and ended up back at the hotel, everyone leaning on each other for balance. Johnny knew Doyoung had enjoyed the day. He was afraid they might have been taken clubbing or somewhere usual for a bachelor party, but luckily Doyoung’s brother knew what he liked.  
“I have one more thing for you guys,” Doyoung’s brother slurred. He led the group to the pool, which would normally be closed off at this time, and there was a hollered “SURPRISE!” from the people waiting there. It was Yuta’s party, probably just as drunk. There was a table with various alcohols, some of which Johnny couldn’t even identify, and a sign taped to the side in all caps that read “DO NOT BRING DRINKS WITHIN 10 FEET OF POOL.”  
Some of the people were floating around, one had cannonballed into the water, and others were on the waterslide platforms. Someone slid down and splashed into the water, swimming to where the boys were standing. Yuta popped his head out of the water. His cheeks were rosy and he wouldn't stop grinning.  
“Babe! Get in here!”  
Doyoung almost stepped in without taking off any of what he was wearing, but Johnny was quick enough to hold him back.  
Jaehyun was sitting on a floatie that looked like a donut on the other side of the pool and spoke louder than usual,  
“There’s swim trunks on the chairs. Get in!”

As time passed, people started leaving. The hour was late and everyone was tired. From bits and pieces of conversation, Johnny learned that Yuta’s group had been taken to either a paintball shooting range, or a trampoline park. Maybe both, maybe neither- he was quite out of it. Taeyong notified Johnny he was heading up to sleep. They gave each other a quick kiss goodbye before Johnny went to the washroom. By the time he was back, only Jaehyun, Yuta, and Doyoung were left. Doyoung was floating face up around the shallow end, oblivious to Yuta following him around and splashing water in his face. It reminded Johnny of their summers together as teenagers, except the pools they went to back then were much more crowded and probably contained a number of undiscovered diseases. Eventually, the couple left, giggling amongst each other as if the others weren’t aware of what they were about to do. 

“How was your party?” Jaehyun asked. Johnny might have thought he was sober if it weren’t for the tint of his cheeks.  
“Great. Big Doyoung knows exactly what gets the boys going,” Johnny used the nickname they had given Doyoung’s brother ages ago on account of them looking so alike.  
“Strip club?” Jaehyun’s eyes widened. He lifted himself to sit on the edge of the pool.  
“Arcade.”  
“Even better.”  
Johnny had been sitting in the water so that his head was the only thing popping out. He stood up and cut through the pool to move closer to Jaehyun. Johnny wasn’t sure if Jaehyun had just zoned out, or was staring at him. Amongst his muddled thoughts, he remembered the way Jaehyun used to look at him when they were together. It had made him feel invincible, in a way. His confidence was boosted even more right after when Jaehyun would pull him in for a kiss. But that was a lifetime ago.  
“What about you guys?” Johnny asked, settling in the water again.  
“We had fun. I’m a great planner.” Jaehyun beamed with pride.  
“You are,” Johnny laughed.  
“You know me real well,” Jaehyun, hopping back down. There was a quiet plop when he slipped into the water. Johnny almost didn’t catch it, but there was a slur when Jaehyun spoke.  
“That happens when you’re friends for…” Johnny counted, “Almost twenty years. Holy shit.”  
“Can we really call it that?” Jaehyun looked disappointed.  
“Huh.”  
“There was a break in between.”  
It was the first time in over four years that any of them had brought that up, let alone in person.  
“That was my fault.”  
“No,” Jaehyun shook his head aggressively. He waddled over and wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck, resting his head on his chest. Jaehyun wasn’t that much shorter, but Johnny realized his legs weren’t touching the bottom of the pool. He was floating in the water- simply hanging from where he was holding on to Johnny. Johnny didn’t hold him back. “You shouldn’t be sorry. You’re happy in America.” Jaehyun continued. “And I’m happy in Korea. And Yuta and Doie will be happy wherever they wanna settle down.” Johnny hugged Jaehyun back now, arms slowly grabbing around his lower back. “We’re happy without each other,” Jaehyun was almost whimpering. Johnny let go and pulled him off.  
“Don’t cry,” Johnny pleaded. He tried to wipe Jaehyun’s tears, but it didn’t do a lot of good considering his hands had been submerged underwater. “We’re happy in different places, but it doesn’t mean we don’t need each other.”  
“But I’m lied,” Jaehyun said, looking down.  
“What?”  
“I’m not happy. In Korea. In Spain. In Greece, in America, Canada, Thailand-”  
“Jaehyun-”  
“I’ve travelled everywhere to keep myself busy, but I didn’t realize how empty I would feel without you.”  
“You can talk to us at any time, Jae, you know that.”  
“I love you.”  
“We love you too, Jae.”  
“No,” Jaehyun took Johnny’s hands. “I love _you_.”

Maybe it was because they were too tired to think straight. Maybe it was all the alcohol that had entered their systems throughout the day. Maybe it was a mix of both. 

Suddenly they were 19 again. Hands roaming ceaselessly, lips crashing against each other, hips being pulled close, and nothing in their minds except each other. Johnny pulled Jaehyun’s legs to either side of him, grip slipping because of the water. His thighs were as smooth as he remembered, toned with muscle but soft to the touch. Johnny felt like the imprint of his hand had never faded from the years before, the way he was so easy to hold. Jaehyun had grabbed his face with both hands, kissing him as though he had almost drowned and Johnny was oxygen. Johnny pushed him to the side of the pool, a groan escaping Jaehyun’s lips when his back hit the hard edge. They separated for a split second, both taking a breath before devouring each other once again. Johnny lifted Jaehyun onto the platform, then himself. Jaehyun lay down, not feeling the discomfort of the hard ground beneath him. Johnny held himself up to properly look at Jaehyun. He made even the dim lights reflecting in his eyes look like twinkling stars. Johnny let himself fall onto Jaehyun’s lips again, the other’s hands clutching his waist. The hands travelled up and down the back of his body, touching whatever they wanted to. It was then that Johnny realized what was happening.  
“Fuck,” he whispered. He pushed himself off, hands slipping on the tiles beneath. Jaehyun sat up and Johnny stared at him, speechless. He let himself fall into the water, sinking the short distance to the bottom. His eyes were open as he slowly floated up. The chlorine stung, but it was the least of his worries. When he reached the surface, all the drinks for earlier had been washed away. His mind flooded with panic, guilt, and anger with himself.  
“Fuck. I’m so sorry.”  
Johnny got out of the pool using the steps and grabbed a towel, doing everything as fast as he could. He left his clothes from earlier behind, figuring he could get them later. Worst case, he’d lose them.  
The door shut behind him with a loud click. The last thing Johnny heard before leaving was a loud splash. He didn’t turn around to check what caused it. 

**2008**

Jaehyun and Johnny had gone up to a cliff's edge overlooking the city. It was an area they had discovered a while ago. The only other people who came here were hikers, since the journey up took some work. When you made it, though, it was worth it. You could see everything below and above. The sky looked wider here than it did anywhere else in the city. 

“When’s the last time someone confessed their feelings to you?” Jaehyun asked, eyes on the setting sun in front of them.  
“I don't know. I think I’m usually the one confessing. Why?”  
“How would you feel if someone told you they liked you, then?”  
Johnny thought for a bit.  
“I guess it’d depend on how I felt about them beforehand. Does someone have a crush on you?” Johnny teased.  
“No. Well I don’t know.” Jaehyun took a deep breath in and put his hand on Johnny’s, which was resting on the grass. Johnny turned to him at the sudden concert, trapped by the look in Jaehyun’s eyes. The sunlight danced on his face, trying to illuminate every peak and curve on it. He realized what Jaehyun was trying to say.  
Jaehyun leaned over slowly. Johnny could feel his breath on himself.  
It was taking too long. Johnny closed the gap between them. Hands ceaseless. Lips crashing against each other. Nothing on their minds except each other.

**2016**

Johnny felt someone poking him on his side. He groaned, trying to swat the hand away.  
“Baby?” The poking continued. “Johnny.”  
He finally opened his eyes, his vision taking a while to focus. Taeyong was beside him.  
“You’ve been asleep for a _while_.”  
Johnny looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was close to 2:00 pm.  
“I’m sorry, Yong,” Johnny said, voice still raspy. “I think I stayed too late at the pool.”  
“It’s fine. Are you okay, though? You were drinking a lot last night.”  
Drinking. Probably why his recollection of last night was so fuzzy. What good were memories if you couldn’t remember them?  
“My head hurts a bit, but I’ll be fine. Did you eat?”  
“Mhm. Brought up some lunch for you. Mostly my leftovers.”  
“Delicious.” Johnny watched Taeyong tap away on his phone. “You had to eat alone, shit.” He frowned.  
“Don’t worry, babe, as long as you had fun with your friends.”  
“No, please, I’m a shit husband.”  
Taeyong put his phone down.  
“Don’t say that!”  
“Tell you what, what if we make today the day you show me around the hotel. The others will be busy, anyway.” Taeyong’s eyes lit up, making Johnny smile.  
“Ok! You should eat first though. Maybe shower. And put on some clothes.”  
Johnny hadn’t realized, but under the blanket, he didn’t have anything on. “I pulled off your trunks when I woke up. Didn’t do much, the bed was already damp.”  
“Fuck… I was wasted, huh?”  
“I can only guess, Johnny. But yes.”  
“You know, since I’m already undressed…” Taeyong raised an eyebrow at him. Johnny patted his lap and Taeyong climbed on to straddle him. Johnny held his husband by the waist and kissed him.  
“You smell like chlorine.” Another kiss. “And-” Johnny kissed him again, not stopping this time. 

Taeyong had brought Johnny to the roof, which was fenced with glass. Johnny hesitated to stand too close to the border.  
“You scared?” Taeyong teased, leaning on the glass.  
“Don’t stand so close, baby.”  
“It’s fine!” Taeyong laughed. He took Johnny’s hand and brought him closer. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Johnny nodded.  
A great portion of the city could be seen from where they stood. The building was tall, yet there were still others around it that towered over it. Most of the sky was hidden behind them but pockets of it were still visible in places. Industrial beauty was interesting to Johnny. Usually, it wasn’t that pleasant to look at cities that were crowded with people and architecture- but beauty could be found in anything. The colours that whizzed by on the roads, the form smoke took in the skies, all the different lives that were being lived in one area.  
Johnny pressed his lips to Taeyong’s, who mumbled something about having other places to see, but he didn’t care much. Taeyong pushed off, looking at Johnny inquisitively.  
“What?”  
“You’re not usually this affectionate.”  
“Maybe something about being in a new place,” Johnny pulled him close again. Just then, the door to the roof opened and a young couple walked in, laughing with each other. They were surprised to see Taeyong and Johnny and began to leave but Taeyong told them, “We were just heading down.” 

Taeyong took Johnny through each floor, highlighting everything he liked about the place. Johnny asked him when he had time to see so much, but he just shrugged. Johnny’s favourite place was the koi pond- which wasn’t exactly a pond. It ran under the main floor or the hotel and was made to look like a path. The whole thing was covered in thick glass, so you could see the fish swim about underneath.  
Quite a few times, Taeyong had greeted the hotel staff by name and they had greeted him back, impressing Johnny.  
“You’ve made yourself at home here.”  
“I’d live here if I could.”  
“Do you want me to build a stream under our living room?”  
Taeyong looked at him like he was truly considering it. Ultimately he said no, claiming that Johnny couldn’t handle such a feat.  
The two decided to eat at a nearby McDonalds after being unable to decide on any of the hotel restaurants, but it didn’t seem to be a much better option. Taeyong stood in front of the kiosk for what seemed like an hour, amazed at all the options. Johnny had gotten his nuggets a long time ago and munched on them while waiting.  
“I can’t believe you still got nuggets when they have stuff like…like teriyaki burgers.”  
Johnny shrugged, biting into another nugget.  
“I trust the nuggets.”

Taeyong eventually ordered and they took the food back to the hotel. As the elevator doors were shutting, someone came running, asking them to hold the door open. Johnny saw a flash of pink through the space between the doors, and suddenly everything he had forgotten from last night came running back. He felt the same sinking weight as he had when Yuta’s mother had given him that flower tub, but this time all he was holding was a McFlurry. When Jaehyun saw the couple, he smiled politely and took a spot on the opposite side of the elevator. Taeyong looked at his husband, suddenly very interested in the ice cream, and Jaehyun, who was invested in his blurry reflection on the golden walls of the elevator.  
“You guys good?”  
“Yes,” they said simultaneously. Taeyong looked unconvinced, but said nothing else until they were out of the elevator.  
“What was that?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Liar.”  
“We were both tired, is all.”  
Taeyong checked his phone,  
“You woke up not even six hours ago.”  
“I can still be tired,” Johnny said, opening the door to their room. “Wanna watch a movie?”  
After twenty minutes of trying to figure out how the hotel tv worked, they managed to put on _Howl’s Moving Castle_. They had both seen it before, but weren’t willing to spend another twenty minutes browsing.  
A few minutes into the movie, Johnny’s phone buzzed. He ignored it. Taeyong, who was settled in his arms, looked at him.  
“You gonna get that?”  
Johnny groaned.  
“Don’t. Wanna.” He reached over to check the message anyway. “Jaehyun wants to talk.”  
“Now?”  
“Yeah. I don’t have to go, you know.”  
“You should. In case it's important. I’ll be fine.”  
Johnny sighed and rolled off the bed, kissing Taeyong on the forehead before he left. He really didn’t want to go. 

Jaehyun was waiting for him at the fountain they had been to a few days earlier. It looked more magnificent in the dark with the light shining through the water and creating patterns on the carvings.  
“Why the sneaking around?” Johnny asked.  
“We’re not sneaking,” Jaehyun said defensively. Johnny put his arms up as if to surrender. “I wanted to apologize,” he continued.  
“About being awkward in the elevator?”  
“About last night.”  
Johnny realized he had an opportunity now. He could pretend that nothing had happened. He could save himself, Jaehyun, and Taeyong from a lot of discomfort. In the moment, it seemed like the best thing for him to do. 

“I’ve gotta admit, I don’t remember much from last night.”  
Jaehyun looked surprised, but his expression shifted to relief.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah… I drank too much. Didn’t wake up until two today. Why are you apologizing?” He could see Jaehyun trying to come up with a story in his head.  
“About the drinking thing. I might have given you too much. I was afraid your husband would be upset.” Jaehyun seemed to choke before saying “husband.”  
“Oh, no worries. He’s forgiving.”  
“Yeah,” Jaehyun scoffed. They were only standing a few feet from each other, but it felt like there were miles between them.  
“So what are you doing the rest of the night?” The question caught Jaehyun off guard.  
“Uh, I have a hair appointment.”  
“This late?”  
“Well, my hairdresser is Yuta’s sister and she was busy all day. She insists that the best man shouldn’t have pink hair at the wedding.  
“Her brother is blond.”  
“Yeah,” Jaehyun chuckled, “But I guess it falls under natural colours.”  
“Honestly, Yuta’s had that colour for so long I almost forgot he’s not a natural blond.” Johnny laughed. Jaehyun smiled, not knowing what else to say. “You know, I always liked your hair black.”  
“I was gonna get it done-” Jaehyun cut himself off and ran a hand through his hair. “Really?”  
“Yeah.”  
Jaehyun pursed his lips and nodded. Johnny could feel the conversation fading, though it wasn’t much of one to begin with.  
“I’ll let you get to your “appointment.””  
“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.” The two lingered for a moment, the space between them feeling so broad. Johnny turned around first, waving goodbye.

**2011**

Jaehyun didn’t look up from his book when Johnny came in. He heard him sigh before letting his bag fall to the ground.  
“You could at least greet me after I’ve had a long day.”  
“I don’t know how your day was.”  
Johnny felt himself suppress an eye roll. If Jaehyun noticed, he’d make a big deal out of it. After hanging his coat up, Johnny took a seat on the couch beside Jaehyun. He leaned in to kiss him, but Jaehyun moved out of the way. Johnny flopped back, not bothering to say anything.  
“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun said. “It was a reflex.”  
“Why would you develop that reflex?”  
Jaehyun exhaled roughly through his nose, biting back words. He went to close the coat closet door, which Johnny had left open.  
“You could've told me to do that, babe.”  
“You would’ve taken five minutes to do a ten second task, it’s fine.” 

The past few months had seemed to be a loop of this moment. The situations may have been different, but the formula was the same. One of them said something, the other one got annoyed. Then both of them were annoyed and excuses were made to sleep in different rooms. Of course they’d still kiss the other’s forehead when they woke up first, but neither would let the other know. 

At the beginning, they had been so happy. Falling in love with your best friend seemed ideal. They were someone who knew you inside and out, your every strength and weakness. It only seemed like they could get closer. Unfortunately, that “knowing each other inside and out” thing turned out to be exactly what drove them apart. They knew what the other wouldn’t want to do. They knew that the other would object to something before they had even suggested it, so they stopped suggesting things altogether. Some days, they talked like they were strangers. Nothing but a passing “hi.”  
They had blamed it on being loaded with work, but there were nights when one would lie in bed, bored out of their mind. Despite that, they were worried that the other one would get irritated if they called them, so they didn’t.

Slowly, their kisses got less frequent, their eye contact didn’t last as long, they rarely did so much as hold hands.

Their friends asked them if everything was ok. The answer that they gave was always “yes.” That’s what the other one would have said, right?

One night, Johnny came home to a crying Jaehyun. He almost didn’t realize it, the way Jaehyun sat so still. So quiet.  
“What’s wrong, Jaehyun?”  
Jaehyun looked at him, still quiet. Johnny went to turn off the music that was playing. The silence was pressuring.  
“When’s the last time you called me something other than my name?”  
Johnny couldn’t remember.  
“I can’t remember the last time I hugged you. Or the last time you took my hand when we were shopping or something.”  
“Jae- Honey, I’m sorry. I’ve been distracted lately. You’re busy too.”  
“It takes a second, Johnny. We can’t even spare seconds for each other.”  
Neither of them spoke for a while. Johnny thought about wiping Jaehyun’s tears. About kissing him and holding him close to tell him it would all be ok. But he didn’t move. Tears had started building up in his own eyes and he was desperate to keep them from falling.  
“I think we-”  
“Please don’t say it, Jae.”  
“You’re thinking it too. You wouldn’t stop me if you didn’t know what I was gonna say.”  
“Jaehyun, we can fix this. I’ll take shifts off at work.”  
“You can’t honestly believe that’s all it’ll take. We’re both at fault, Johnny. We should just…”  
Johnny wanted to stop him, but the words got caught in his throat.  
“We should stop.” Jaehyun stood up and walked towards the bedroom. He said without turning around, “I’ll go over to Yuta’s for the night.”

Jaehyun might have given things another chance if Johnny had spoken up. They might have been able to mend things, little but little.  
But Johnny didn’t say anything. He wanted to respect Jaehyun’s decision. That’s what love meant. That’s what he thought it meant.

**2016**

It was the day of the rehearsal dinner- one day before the wedding. It was beyond Johnny why they had to rehearse eating, but Taeyong had explained that it was just an opportunity for close friends and family to get together before things got unbelievably hectic the next day. Johnny and Taeyong spent most of the morning in bed talking and cuddling. Johnny was glad to- any moment he wasn’t talking was filled with a terrible headache in the form of memories of the night of the bachelor parties. 

Doyoung had called them down for lunch, saying that he felt like he still hadn’t had enough time with Johnny.  
Johnny tuned out Taeyong’s chattering about something when he saw his friends at the table. Jaehyun’s hair was freshly dyed black. It wasn’t new to Johnny, yet he couldn’t help but stare. After all, Jaehyun’s hair was that colour when they had first met decades ago. It was that colour when they had kissed the first time. There had been different colours in between, but it always seemed to come back around in time for the most important moments.  
“Hey!” Doyoung stood up to hug Johnny and Taeyong. “I’m so glad you came.”  
Johnny made sure that Taeyong was sitting between him and Jaehyun. Yuta kept looking back and forth between Johnny and Jaehyun, not bothering to hide his suspicion. After eating, Taeyong left to give the friends some time together.  
“He’s too nice,” Doyoung said as they watched him leave.  
“I don’t deserve him,” Johnny said.  
“Do you guys wanna take a walk?” Yuta asked.

They found themselves strolling through the garden and eventually going up to the roof. It was much colder at night, a breeze occasionally flying by. Jaehyun and Doyoung had gotten wrapped up in a conversation about salmon and it was getting heated.  
“It’s just not that good!” Jaehyun said, while Doyoung scoffed and began listing off different salmon dishes. “I don’t know what any of those are,” Jaehyun said, stippling his words.  
Yuta took the opportunity to pull Johnny aside and ask him if anything had happened between him and Jaehyun.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Don’t pretend.” Yuta’s tone was serious. Johnny hated when Yuta sounded like that, because he could get him to reveal anything that was eating at him. He looked to make sure that the others weren’t paying attention. He figured he was safe since Jaehyun was now talking about shoe brands. How the conversation got there was a question he would ask later.  
“After you guys had left the pool that night… we might have… y’know.” Johnny couldn’t bring himself to say it.  
“Did you fuck?” Yuta whispered through gritted teeth.  
“God, no!” Johnny faltered under Yuta’s glare. “I think it was close, though.” Yuta didn’t yell like Johnny was expecting him to. Instead, he put a hand to his shoulder.  
“Don’t do this to Taeyong.”  
“I’d never! We were both so drunk and it happened so fast. I left when I realized what I did, Yu.”  
“You want me to commend you?”  
“‘Course not. I made a mistake.” Yuta began to say something, but Doyoung interrupted.  
“Something wrong?”  
Johnny and Yuta’s differing answers overlapped.  
“What happened?”  
“What happened is that these two fuckers-”  
“Yuta!”  
“-almost slept together!” Doyoung’s jaw dropped and Jaehyun’s eyes went to Johnny.  
“You said you didn’t remember that night!”  
“Of course I remember, Jae, why would I forget when you haven’t?”  
Yuta was leaning over the railing, one hand rubbing at his temples.  
“Why are you doing this again?” Yuta asked.  
“Again?” Doyoung was confused.  
Johnny didn’t understand what he meant for a moment, but his memories caught up to him. Before he could say anything, Jaehyun spoke up.  
“You’re not talking about-”  
Yuta only nodded. 

**2012**

Everyone had gathered together at a mutual friends house to celebrate their birthday. She had successfully been surprised, but concerned about how everyone had gotten into her apartment.  
Johnny was in the kitchen, shovelling handfuls of cheez-its into his mouth. Someone called his name and he chewed faster before turning to face them. Jaehyun smiled at him from the entrance, his hair a different shade than the last time Johnny had seen him.  
“Hi, Jae,” Johnny mumbled, unable to swallow just yet.  
Things had been surprisingly good since their breakup. They didn’t see each other in person much, but they did their best to stay in touch. Before Johnny moved out, he and Jaehyun had decided that they didn’t want their friendship to fade. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done. Even with 15 years of history, things just weren’t like they used to be.  
“Can I talk to you?”  
“Sure, what’s up?” Johnny asked, getting a glass of water for himself.  
Jaehyun looked behind him and then walked closer to Johnny.  
“I know this is sudden but I’ve been thinking. I feel like we ended things too soon.”  
Johnny chuckled, unsure if Jaehyun was joking.  
“Dude, it’s been months. Why are you bringing this up now?”  
“It’s just… seeing you makes me miss you. Look at us, I mean, we can’t go back to what we were like as friends.” Jaehyun cupped Johnny’s face with one hand, slowly sliding it behind his neck.  
“Jae, listen…”  
Jaehyun didn’t want to give himself a chance to change his mind. He kissed Johnny in a way he hadn’t since long before their breakup. Johnny ran his hands down the sides of Jaehyun’s body, stopping at his hips. It felt right to be kissing him, but the situation was completely wrong. Johnny was pushed up against the wall and felt his hair being tugged on. He realized Jaehyun was hesitating. He was about to do something to encourage him when a loud voice greeted them. They pulled apart, fixing their hair and wiping their mouths. Yuta had walked in and was giving them a look Johnny couldn’t decipher- until someone else walked in a few seconds after.  
“There you are, baby.” Taeyong gave Johnny a kiss before grabbing some baby carrots off the table. Jaehyun’s eyes looked like they were on fire.  
“Who’s this?” he asked, calmly.  
“Taeyong. Um. Taeyong! Meet my friend Jaehyun.” The two shook hands and exchanged smiles. Jaehyun made it a point not to look at Johnny, but he asked Taeyong,  
“You guys dating or something?”  
Taeyong nodded.  
“It’s been a few weeks now.” He seemed like he wanted to say more, but someone called Taeyong’s name from outside the kitchen and he excused himself. Yuta glared at Johnny and Jaehyun with an intensity that made Johnny feel like he was going to evaporate on the spot, but walked out without saying another word.

**2016**

Yuta was sparing no one’s feelings.  
“You can’t keep calling it a mistake! I don’t wanna keep going through this every few fucking years. Does your husband know about either incident?” he pointed at Johnny. “Clearly you still haven’t resolved whatever issues you have with each other, and it's affecting all of us. You think Doie and I enjoyed barely talking to you for years, John?”  
“You can call me anytime,” Johnny began.  
“We tried! We fucking tried but after a while it was like you didn’t wanna talk to us anymore!”  
“I love you guys more than anything, it’s just been harder since we moved across the fucking world!”  
“As if we didn’t notice?” Yuta’s voice quieted. “I’m happy you and Taeyong are doing well, but you didn’t invite us to your _wedding_. I know it was impromptu but then you didn’t even tell us you were married until a month after. And through a text, of all things.”

Johnny couldn’t defend himself.

“I hope I didn’t drive you away, Johnny,” Jaehyun said.  
“What do you think?” Johnny snapped.  
He couldn’t pretend nothing had happened anymore.  
“We dated. We broke up. It took a while to get over but I was fine! Unfortunately, somehow we end up all over each other when we’re together. So yes, Jaehyun, you had a hand in driving me away.”  
No one said a word. Not even Johnny had been expecting himself to have an outburst like that. Jaehyun was upset now, too.  
“I’m sorry about four years ago, but you hadn’t even told me about Taeyong! And before I could apologize, you left the fucking country! Next thing I know, you’re married and you don’t talk to us anymore. You didn’t give things a chance to cool down!”  
“Would they have, Jaehyun?” Johnny was close to shouting now. “After what happened two nights ago, I don’t see how you could think that. I know I acted rashly when I moved away, but at the time it seemed like the only thing that could stop me from crawling back to you.”  
“If we had gotten back together… would that have been so bad?”  
“I don’t know,” Johnny whispered. “Five years ago, maybe not. But how can you ask me that now?”

Everything the four hadn’t gotten a chance to argue about in the last few years had come flooding out in the last few minutes.

“Please find some way to be civil during dinner tonight.” Doyoung’s voice was steady and quiet, but the others could tell he was upset. Before leaving the roof, Doyoung turned to say one last thing.  
“I haven’t had my best friends in a room together for years. I don’t want it to be years before it happens again.”

**2002**

Johnny blew out the candle that had been stuck in a gas station muffin.  
“Thank you guys for the birthday muffin. What else did you get me?”  
Jaehyun, Yuta, and Doyoung exchanged glances.  
“Our everlasting friendship?” Doyoung tried to smile. Johnny blinked.  
“It’s fine, mom and dad probably got me something cool.”

The boys were on the play structure behind their school. Johnny stood up and threw the muffin into a trashcan on the ground.  
“Score!”  
“Hey, I paid for that!” Jaehyun objected.  
“It was probably expired,” Yuta said. Jaehyun pushed him down the slide he was sitting on. Yuta huffed while climbing back up. 

“I accept the everlasting friendship,” Johnny said, lying on the dusty metal bridge.  
“What?”  
“Your birthday gift to me.”  
“Oh.”  
“Good,” Doyoung said.  
“And I’ll be giving you the same thing on your birthdays.” Johnny slid down and took off running, disappearing around the building.  
“Johnny!” Jaehyun called out, chasing after him. “You said you’d get me that video game!”

**2016**

Johnny woke up to the smell of lavender right in front of him. He opened his eyes a crack to see Taeyong towelling off.  
“That hotel soap is _strong_ ,” Johnny mumbled.  
“Good morning.”

After the argument they had the previous night, everyone had left in a rush. Nothing had quite been resolved. The timing was terrible, considering they’d be spending the majority of the day together.

After getting dressed, Johnny and Taeyong went down to the lobby together. They sat down for breakfast, but Johnny felt too nauseous to eat more than an apple. As they were leaving to find the grooms, Johnny spotted Jaehyun on the other side of the lobby. He looked just as uncomfortable, but gestured for Johnny to come over. Johnny told Taeyong he would be right back and went to see what the problem was.

“What?” Johnny said sharply.  
“Morning. I just wanted to say something.”  
Johnny stared at him expectantly. Jaehyun cleared his throat and played with his collar.  
“Our best friends are getting married today. We shouldn’t be angry with each other. Can we just call it what it was and move on?”  
“And what was it?”  
Jaehyun inhaled deeply.  
“A mistake.”  
Johnny looked over at Taeyong, who was watching them. He smiled and waved.  
“I agree. And I’m not mad at you. Well, not _just_ you.”  
“Look, Johnny, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. I was off my ass that night and I’ve gotten a hold of myself. I don’t have feelings for you. It’s just… something about seeing you-”  
“I know.”  
Jaehyun looked at him inquisitively. Johnny glanced at Taeyong again and then turned a bit so that his back was facing him.  
“If I owe you anything, it’s honesty. I know how you felt. But it was a... an impulse. It didn’t mean anything.”  
Jaehyun seemed to be taken back by his bluntness.  
“I wish you’d been this upfront when we-”

“Hi, Jaehyun!” 

Taeyong must have gotten tired of waiting. “Looking good,” he pointed at Jaehyun’s tux.  
“Thanks. You too. I was just telling Johnny that they’re looking for him. See you at the wedding!” Jaehyun turned on his heel and was off before either Johnny or Taeyong could say anything. 

Johnny knocked on a door, which was opened by Doyoung’s brother. He let him in and left to go do something- Johnny hadn’t paid attention to what he said.  
“You look great, Doie.”  
Doyoung looked at him from where he was sitting as if he was wondering how to react.  
“Thanks,” he said flatly.  
“Listen, Doie, please don’t be mad. It’s your wedding day. Jaehyun and I talked about it. We’re civil.”  
“And you’re not horny for each other?”  
“It sounds worse when you say it like that.”  
“It wasn’t great to begin with.” Doyoung hugged Johnny. “I don’t have time to stay mad at you today.” Johnny laughed and patted his back.  
“So you all ready?”  
“Yeah,” Doyoung let out a sharp sigh. “I don’t know what to do for the next few hours.”  
“You just relax. Mind if I go check on Yuta?”  
Doyoung nodded, taking a seat again. 

Yuta, unlike his husband-to-be, could not be described as “calm.” When Johnny walked into his room he was still undressed and flopped a loveseat, rambling about something regarding ties.  
Johnny sent everyone else out of the room and approached Yuta with the same caution one would use while tending to an injured wild animal.  
“Yuta, buddy. Everything ok?” He responded with a drawn out groan. “You should get dressed, you know. The guests are gathering and you’re still in your boxers.” Another groan.  
“I should pick a different tie. I have a better one at home, it’s only an hour’s drive-”  
“Yuta.” Johnny grabbed him by the shoulders. He dragged Yuta up and shook him, using minimal effort since he had made his body limp. “Dude, you feel like a slightly boiled spaghetti noodle. Get it together.”  
“Can you slap me?”  
“What?”  
“Slap me.”  
“Yuta-”  
“Slap me or I’ll slap you.”  
“I’m not gonna-”  
Yuta’s hand flew up to Johnny's face. Instinctively, Johnny slapped him back.  
“Was that so hard?” Yuta asked, rubbing his face. “I feel a little more real now. You know, it’s not cold feet. I can’t wait to marry Doyoung. The thing is… it’s been so long. What if this changes everything?” he looked at Johnny, eyes swimming with concern.  
“You’ve known him since you were eight and been together since… I can’t even remember. The hardest part is over, Yu. Now all you have to do is get up there and kiss him.” Yuta nodded, taking his words in.  
“What if we just got drunk and found ourselves a basement?” He laughed as Johnny shoved him, making him fall back on the loveseat. This time, he got up.  
“Call my sister. My hair needs her.”

Johnny took Taeyong’s hand in his as they watched Doyoung and his brother walk down the aisle. His brother hugged him before standing off to the side. Doyoung was beaming, and so was Yuta. The heat of the afternoon sun didn’t seem to bother them.  
Yuta went first with the vows.

“Kim Doyoung. I have known you practically my entire life. I’ll be honest, it was not love at first sight when I saw you. I didn’t know what love was back then. But I realized that you are the one who taught me. You also taught me kindness, compassion, patience... We’ve grown together. You know everything about me and _still_ dated me for seven years, not to mention the years before that you put up with me. You’re my everything. My every moment. My past, my present. My future. To date, everytime I think of seeing your face first thing the next morning, I get butterflies...”

Johnny lost focus for the next few moments. He was caught up in memories of his wedding. He recalled his drunken vows to love Taeyong and never lie to him or hurt him. He had meant every word, but failed to uphold them. He made a decision in that moment, one that he’d force himself to follow through on. 

Doyoung finished his vows and half the guests were in tears, making Johnny blend right in. Taeyong noticed him crying and squeezed his hand, bringing it up for a kiss. The grooms kissed and there was cheering, followed by a rush of people running to catch the bouquet, which Yuta and Doyoung threw together. 

The newlyweds were occupied through the five course meal, everyone going up to them to take pictures and congratulate them. Johnny made sure to save a plate of food for each of them The sun was setting now, painting everything with a blush of pink. When their table was empty, Johnny asked Taeyong to go for a walk. They strolled down the path that led to the fountain- it seemed to have become a common place for serious conversation.  
“Just so you know, I am not getting in there,” Taeyong pointed to the water.  
“What? Taeyong, no. I have to tell you something.” Johnny wanted Taeyong to say something encouraging, but he didn't. “Jaehyun and I used to date. A long time ago.”  
“I know.”  
“You _know?_ ”  
“I saw you guys kissing years back. Yuta told me.” Johnny’s nervousness had turned into confusion.  
“Why didn’t you say anything?”  
“Well we had just started going out back then. I didn’t know if you were that into me. I figured if there was something still going on between you, you’d break up with me. Why are you bringing this up now?”  
The little bit of courage Johnny had mustered up was gone. All that remained was guilt.  
“The night of the bachelor parties… when we were drunk… Jaehyun and I kissed.” His voice got smaller with each word. Johnny had decided to leave it at what happened rather than what almost happened.  
“What?” Taeyong said, his voice nearly a whisper. Johnny began apologizing profusely,  
“I’m sorry, Taeyong. It didn’t mean anything! I swear it was just the alcohol-”  
“Are you serious? I try to be understanding, but what do you expect when you drop something like this on me?” Johnny stepped towards Taeyong, but he moved back. “Do you still have feelings for him? After what, four- five years?”  
“I don’t, Yong. I promise you, I don’t.”  
“Did anything else happen? Did you…” Taeyong couldn’t bring himself to say it, but Johnny guessed.  
“No! I left as soon as I sobered up.” Taeyong tilted his head back and took a deep breath.  
“What if you had sobered up a few minutes later? What if things had gone further?”  
“They wouldn’t have.”  
“You don’t know that!” Taeyong shouted. Johnny hadn’t heard him like this ever before.  
“It was just a kiss.”  
“Just a kiss!” Taeyong was still shouting. “Just a kiss with your ex who’s known you for twenty years. The ex who you couldn’t even admit _was_ an ex until three years into our fucking marriage! I let you do whatever you want because you never did anything to hurt me. I didn’t cling to you Johnny, because I trust you.” He stopped shouting, but the silence was suffocating.  
“I trusted you.”  
Taeyong left, leaving Johnny alone as he dropped to his knees. He felt pathetic. His husband had faith in him, letting off all his little mistakes. This one was too big to look past. Johnny staggered back to the main part of the garden. A lot of the guests had gone back inside, and Yuta and Doyoung had found the plates Johnny had saved for them.  
“Why do you look like that?” Yuta asked, stuffing a cream puff into his mouth.  
“I told Taeyong.” Johnny muttered. 

**2019**

Doyoung knocked on the door of Johnny’s apartment. It was answered by Johnny, holding a whisk covered in something white. He hugged Yuta and Doyoung, ushering them inside and telling them to get comfortable.  
“What are you making?” Doyoung asked.  
“Trying to make a souffle. It might not turn out puffy enough from the looks of it.  
“Should’ve stuck with cake.”  
“Yuta, I didn’t invite you over to be judged.”  
“Where’s your husband?” Yuta asked, ignoring Johnny’s statement. “He’s a better cook, anyway.” Johnny pointed to the kitchen. Just then, Jaehyun walked out holding a tray covered in tin foil. He greeted his friends, carefully setting it down on the table.  
“Take that lid off, it smells sexy,” Yuta said, getting up. He reached to peel back the foil, but Jaehyun slapped his hand away.  
“Not yet.”

Everyone chatted about what was going on in their lives recently, though there wasn’t a lot of catching up to do. Since the wedding, they had been in contact a lot more often. Of course, after almost a five year gap, anything felt like “more often.” Johnny came out, holding the last dish. Yuta made some noises that caused everyone to look at him like he was insane, but they ended up laughing.  
“I’m sorry, it just smells so good. I have to commend the chef.”  
“Go ahead.”  
Taeyong came from the kitchen and gave Johnny a kiss before sitting down beside him.  
“But you should really eat before you judge,” he chuckled. Everyone dug in, marvelling at Taeyong’s cooking. At one point, Johnny swore there were tears in Yuta’s eyes. 

Johnny looked around the table. All the people he loved most, together again. Not just for today- they’d gotten together many times before and would again many times after. Johnny didn’t have that anxiousness when it came to his friends anymore. Things were finally good. He was comfortable.


End file.
